The Ego says “Once everything falls into place, I will feel peace.” The Spirit says, “Once I feel peace, everything will fall into place.” Marianne Williamson
This weekend I had a little panic. I pondered life, worrying that I might be somehow be in the way of my own success (whatever that word means). I wondered if I could possibly be making all of the wrong decisions. Maybe this is what the depth of winter does to you-you feel that chill deep in you.
I remembered something I’d heard on the radio about the nature of happiness. It said that happy people practice gratitude. So, I continued to mope for a little bit and then I tried to find just a few things that I was grateful for, things that made me feel alive. After listening to some peppy music, and writing my g-mommy a thank you note for a pot she sent me, I moved on.
But, today, some really nice things happened.
For one, I got up this morning and I had a flat tire. I called my dad to figure out how much these things usually cost to fix- $20 or $30, he said. When I went to the tire shop later, it was nearly empty. They took my car to where I couldn’t see it when they were fixing it. I was worried they’d overcharge me for being a girl who didn’t know a thing about flat tires. But, my suspicions aside, the mechanic told me that it was a leaky air valve, not a nail, that had caused the flat and the bill was only $12! I was pumped.
Thing number two, I got mail. I love mail. My g-mommy sent me a book…with a great bookmark. A lovely Valentine from my fellow red head, J., also arrived. (Also, the irony of talking about mushy stuff like peace together with the ¡OH YAY! that comes with an unexpected $20 is not lost on me. Who’s to say peace and funds can’t go hand in hand, on occasion?)
Three, I found a semi-interesting job application with which to distract myself. I am still 80% sold on continuing to study, but I’d like to open a few more doors for myself where possible. To make matters even more delightful, the application was super straightforward…no mysteries involved.
And four, I got a perfectly timed email from my familia catalana. Traveling in Spain is something I plan to continue throughout my life. But, there is something uniquely wonderful about knowing that you have a place there, too. I appreciate my Spanish (and Catalan) friendships and they teach me how important it is to stay connected with friends. This is the stuff of life!
All of this is to say, I like that quote by M. Williamson at the top. I found it while scrolling Pinterest today (which, let’s admit, is an activity that very rarely produces awakenings in your alma). Yesterday, I didn’t feel a whole lot of peace because I felt everything was out of place. Some good tunes, some gratitude, and a few nice walks around the neighborhood brought me some peace. And then, bam, a few nice things fell into place and the positivity grows.